10 ways to improve your body image after cancer treatments
Body shame and embarrassment are a very common part of life during and after cancer, which impacts how we connect with ourselves and with those around us. There are many changes to our bodies that take place such as scarring, loss of function, hair, lack of sensitivity, changes in pleasure, weight changes, body parts being removed/replaced and more. No matter how many times a loved one says they think we’re ‘beautiful’, if we don't agree, it’s water off a duck's back.
The way towards us starting to believe the truth (that we are beautiful) is to create a shift in how we feel about ourselves. It's hard, but it’s possible, so here’s 10 ways to kick-start that process.
1. Switch!
Avoid marketing and media which is designed to make us feel ugly so we buy their products. What marketing tells us we should think ‘beautiful’ is, is completely unachievable and unrealistic for most humans (hence the gazillion dollar ‘beauty’ industry). When we feel like we’re not beautiful enough, we buy things we’re told will help, it is awful and it is everywhere. Take a look at the social media, magazines, even the TV shows you watch/are exposed to, and see if you can shift towards things that have realistic and un-shaming portrayals of human diversity and human beauty. Ask around, it is out there!
2. Health.
Eat well & Exercise. I know, it’s so hard (especially on treatments), but you want to feel good in yourself and getting movement day to day and eating better can help us achieve that. It can be tough, but you’ve come out the other side of cancer, you can do anything. Even starting with 10 minutes of walking a day, switching a few sugar snacks with healthier ones or trying non-alcoholic beer/wine. Baby-steps.
3. Clothes.
Wear clothing that feels good. If you can’t wear your old clothes anymore, put them away and get new ones that feel good when you put them on. And watch out for behaviour changes. If you find yourself dressing differently (baggier clothes, plain darker colours to not draw attention to yourself) or even not wanting to go to social events that may have an expectation of dressing up, this may indicate you're experiencing changes in the way you see yourself. Finding a few items of clothing that FEEL nice on your skin and boost your confidence, are worth their weight in gold.
4. Photos.
Remove photos and reminders of your pre-cancer body & replace them with NEW ones. Take some new lovely photos of yourself and update your social media and pop them around your home. Having constant reminders of who we were and what we’ve lost can get in the way of us processing and moving forwards. On dating apps? Update your profile with the new you, using these photos.
5. Quality connections.
Surround yourself with people you can communicate with honestly, that are positive in your life. This is over-simplifying it, but if people bring you down? Don’t give them your time. You want people in your life who contribute to you feeling comfortable, safe and respected. You want people you can share openly with, to feel supported and loved.
6. Treats.
Treat yourself by doing things that help you feel good (helping others, dressing up, getting a massage, self-pleasure, a bath). You want to FEEL good, which will help improve how you SEE yourself.
7. Words.
Ask your partner/friends for compliments, but on WHO YOU ARE, not how you look. Why? Because if we don't agree that we're beautiful, we simply won’t agree. But being complimented on you as a person is much more believable, and is the stepping stone towards feeling more confident. It’s easier than you think, here’s some examples:
8. Touch.
Connect, have affection, have kisses and skin on skin contact. Hug your friends, hold hands, kiss your partner for the sake of it and more. Slowly get used to your new body together with a partner and be open about your feelings. This is about both of you connecting, you’re in it together. If you’re with a partner or on a date and feeling shy or you’re not sure how to baby-step touch and intimacy, play the 2-minute game (info here). Touch and intimacy contributes to our mental health and well-being, plus our confidence and self-esteem.
9. Embrace your shy.
You don’t have to be naked, or full-frontal to have sex. You can be intimate with clothes on, lights-off/low or have sex in positions where you're not face to face (for specific sex positions that work around body shame, click here). There are ways. Fear of getting naked in front of a lover/partner/date/ourselves is common. Think about it, if we're not feeling great about our bodies, it makes sense we feel others won't also, there are workarounds (more info here).
10. Grieve.
Lastly and most importantly, give yourself time to grieve. This is loss.
Loss of who we were, and it's okay that you're sad. Allow yourself time to process and be kind to yourself. We lose so much, and we can't move on until we can comfortably say goodbye. It is natural for you to find it difficult to love the different you, but if you find your grief interfering with your life and relationships? Please seek support. You don't have to do it alone.
I truly hope this has provided you with some ideas and hope. Be kind to yourself, this is hard.
More resources on this topic & more:
The way towards us starting to believe the truth (that we are beautiful) is to create a shift in how we feel about ourselves. It's hard, but it’s possible, so here’s 10 ways to kick-start that process.
1. Switch!
Avoid marketing and media which is designed to make us feel ugly so we buy their products. What marketing tells us we should think ‘beautiful’ is, is completely unachievable and unrealistic for most humans (hence the gazillion dollar ‘beauty’ industry). When we feel like we’re not beautiful enough, we buy things we’re told will help, it is awful and it is everywhere. Take a look at the social media, magazines, even the TV shows you watch/are exposed to, and see if you can shift towards things that have realistic and un-shaming portrayals of human diversity and human beauty. Ask around, it is out there!
2. Health.
Eat well & Exercise. I know, it’s so hard (especially on treatments), but you want to feel good in yourself and getting movement day to day and eating better can help us achieve that. It can be tough, but you’ve come out the other side of cancer, you can do anything. Even starting with 10 minutes of walking a day, switching a few sugar snacks with healthier ones or trying non-alcoholic beer/wine. Baby-steps.
3. Clothes.
Wear clothing that feels good. If you can’t wear your old clothes anymore, put them away and get new ones that feel good when you put them on. And watch out for behaviour changes. If you find yourself dressing differently (baggier clothes, plain darker colours to not draw attention to yourself) or even not wanting to go to social events that may have an expectation of dressing up, this may indicate you're experiencing changes in the way you see yourself. Finding a few items of clothing that FEEL nice on your skin and boost your confidence, are worth their weight in gold.
4. Photos.
Remove photos and reminders of your pre-cancer body & replace them with NEW ones. Take some new lovely photos of yourself and update your social media and pop them around your home. Having constant reminders of who we were and what we’ve lost can get in the way of us processing and moving forwards. On dating apps? Update your profile with the new you, using these photos.
5. Quality connections.
Surround yourself with people you can communicate with honestly, that are positive in your life. This is over-simplifying it, but if people bring you down? Don’t give them your time. You want people in your life who contribute to you feeling comfortable, safe and respected. You want people you can share openly with, to feel supported and loved.
6. Treats.
Treat yourself by doing things that help you feel good (helping others, dressing up, getting a massage, self-pleasure, a bath). You want to FEEL good, which will help improve how you SEE yourself.
7. Words.
Ask your partner/friends for compliments, but on WHO YOU ARE, not how you look. Why? Because if we don't agree that we're beautiful, we simply won’t agree. But being complimented on you as a person is much more believable, and is the stepping stone towards feeling more confident. It’s easier than you think, here’s some examples:
- “Hearing you laugh gave me so much joy, I think you’re amazing.”
- “You’re such a beautiful person.”
- “I love you.”
- “Everyone was so happy to see you today, you mean a lot to your family/friends/colleagues.”
- “I’m so glad you’re in my life.” "
- “You look so happy today, it's beautiful.”"
- “You’re such a great friend/partner/child/parent.”
- “I love our friendship/relationship/connection.”
- “You did great today, everyone was so happy to see you.”
8. Touch.
Connect, have affection, have kisses and skin on skin contact. Hug your friends, hold hands, kiss your partner for the sake of it and more. Slowly get used to your new body together with a partner and be open about your feelings. This is about both of you connecting, you’re in it together. If you’re with a partner or on a date and feeling shy or you’re not sure how to baby-step touch and intimacy, play the 2-minute game (info here). Touch and intimacy contributes to our mental health and well-being, plus our confidence and self-esteem.
9. Embrace your shy.
You don’t have to be naked, or full-frontal to have sex. You can be intimate with clothes on, lights-off/low or have sex in positions where you're not face to face (for specific sex positions that work around body shame, click here). There are ways. Fear of getting naked in front of a lover/partner/date/ourselves is common. Think about it, if we're not feeling great about our bodies, it makes sense we feel others won't also, there are workarounds (more info here).
10. Grieve.
Lastly and most importantly, give yourself time to grieve. This is loss.
Loss of who we were, and it's okay that you're sad. Allow yourself time to process and be kind to yourself. We lose so much, and we can't move on until we can comfortably say goodbye. It is natural for you to find it difficult to love the different you, but if you find your grief interfering with your life and relationships? Please seek support. You don't have to do it alone.
I truly hope this has provided you with some ideas and hope. Be kind to yourself, this is hard.
More resources on this topic & more:
- For a Book on all things intimacy & cancer, click here.
- Read about the 2-minute game, click here
- For info on the online program for couples to recover intimacy and libido, click here
- Read an article on changes in libido from cancer treatments, click here
- Read an article on orgasm changes during cancer treatments, click here
Take me back to the cancer resources main page: Click Here
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