Can you have sex during chemotherapy?
Such a common question, and one I definitely asked myself.
The answer is yes, but it depends on the type of chemo you’re on. Until I was sitting in the chemotherapy chair myself, I had no idea there were so many different types! Ranging from a pill you take everyday, to an infusion drip once every 1- 3 weeks and more.
We need to be cautious around the toxicity of the chemo, but there's others things to know about too, such as low white blood cell counts increase risk of infections and pregnancies can have problems. You may need to wear barriers during sex, or use barriers for specific amounts of time before or after your infusion. By 'barriers' I mean safer sex items like condoms or dental dams.
So how do you know what precautions you need to follow during chemo?
Ask! As your precautions will differ depending on what chemo type and regime you’re on, you’ll need to ask your treating team.
Who?
Your oncologist and chemotherapy nurse will 100% know the answer to your questions.
When?
Preferably before you start chemo, but it's never too late to ask (I had these discussions while I was sitting in the chemo chair!).
How?
Now here’s something REALLY important. If you’re someone with a vulva and you want to have penetrative sex during chemotherapy, lubricants are essential. Your body will be dehydrated and your tissues may become extra sensitive from this treatment. Lubricants are easily purchased and they really do makes things better, however, please use silicone lubricants. Water-based lubes get absorbed into your body like a sponge (as that’s what the body does when it’s dehydrated!), so you need something that will stay slick for longer (click here for some detailed info on lube). I recommend Uberlube or Sliquid Silver, they’re so great, others use organic coconut oil (but can cause thrush with some people, so have caution).
If you experience pain during penetration and you’re using lubricants, STOP and chat with your treating team. You may need to use an internal moisturiser to help the tissues rehydrate and become less sensitive. Heal first, play later (more info on ways to navigate painful penetration HERE).
Also, your sexual function may change, things may not work as they used to or your libido drops (this is normal!). Maybe your orgasms take longer, maybe they’re more or less intense, maybe you don’t orgasm anymore, perhaps your erections are changing, you no longer get wet or you simply want sex less. These are common side-effects from chemo and may not be permanent (you can read more about treatments and changes in orgasm and libido here).
Remember that your body is processing toxins to treat a disease. You will experience changes in your body, if you’re worried, chat with your oncologist or doctor.
I was told before I started chemotherapy that I would need to wear protection to avoid causing my partner harm, as I would be so toxic. I was petrified of hurting the people around me, I honestly felt like I could do harm to the people I loved from how 'poisoned' I was. I was scared. I truly regret not asking my chemotherapy nurse for more information about what exactly I needed to be careful of and when. As it wasn’t as bad as I thought and from that fear, I withdrew physically from the people around me. So, please learn from my mistakes and ask the nurses/the oncologist.
What do we do?
Don’t be afraid of us, be cautious WITH us!
More resources on chemotherapy, treatments and sex:
The answer is yes, but it depends on the type of chemo you’re on. Until I was sitting in the chemotherapy chair myself, I had no idea there were so many different types! Ranging from a pill you take everyday, to an infusion drip once every 1- 3 weeks and more.
We need to be cautious around the toxicity of the chemo, but there's others things to know about too, such as low white blood cell counts increase risk of infections and pregnancies can have problems. You may need to wear barriers during sex, or use barriers for specific amounts of time before or after your infusion. By 'barriers' I mean safer sex items like condoms or dental dams.
So how do you know what precautions you need to follow during chemo?
Ask! As your precautions will differ depending on what chemo type and regime you’re on, you’ll need to ask your treating team.
Who?
Your oncologist and chemotherapy nurse will 100% know the answer to your questions.
When?
Preferably before you start chemo, but it's never too late to ask (I had these discussions while I was sitting in the chemo chair!).
How?
- “Is there anything we need to know about sex during chemo?”
- “Are there any precautions we need to take during chemo regarding intimacy?”
- “I have some personal/intimate questions to ask, is there somewhere private we can go?”
Now here’s something REALLY important. If you’re someone with a vulva and you want to have penetrative sex during chemotherapy, lubricants are essential. Your body will be dehydrated and your tissues may become extra sensitive from this treatment. Lubricants are easily purchased and they really do makes things better, however, please use silicone lubricants. Water-based lubes get absorbed into your body like a sponge (as that’s what the body does when it’s dehydrated!), so you need something that will stay slick for longer (click here for some detailed info on lube). I recommend Uberlube or Sliquid Silver, they’re so great, others use organic coconut oil (but can cause thrush with some people, so have caution).
If you experience pain during penetration and you’re using lubricants, STOP and chat with your treating team. You may need to use an internal moisturiser to help the tissues rehydrate and become less sensitive. Heal first, play later (more info on ways to navigate painful penetration HERE).
Also, your sexual function may change, things may not work as they used to or your libido drops (this is normal!). Maybe your orgasms take longer, maybe they’re more or less intense, maybe you don’t orgasm anymore, perhaps your erections are changing, you no longer get wet or you simply want sex less. These are common side-effects from chemo and may not be permanent (you can read more about treatments and changes in orgasm and libido here).
Remember that your body is processing toxins to treat a disease. You will experience changes in your body, if you’re worried, chat with your oncologist or doctor.
I was told before I started chemotherapy that I would need to wear protection to avoid causing my partner harm, as I would be so toxic. I was petrified of hurting the people around me, I honestly felt like I could do harm to the people I loved from how 'poisoned' I was. I was scared. I truly regret not asking my chemotherapy nurse for more information about what exactly I needed to be careful of and when. As it wasn’t as bad as I thought and from that fear, I withdrew physically from the people around me. So, please learn from my mistakes and ask the nurses/the oncologist.
What do we do?
- Communicate with each other and your oncologist/chemo nurses.
- Read this resource 'A Better Normal; Your Guide To Rediscovering Intimacy After Cancer'.
- Be transparent about your side-effects such as pain, fatigue, rashes, changes in sensitivity, pleasure, libido. Tell your partner what’s going on and how you’re doing. You’re in it together, and sex can be soft, gentle, and does not need to involve penetration. If you’re open about how you’re doing and what’s going on in your body, you can still be intimate around that.
- Use a silicone lubricant.
- Explore touch that isn’t penetration or orgasm focussed, like the 2-minute game!
- Communicate and share how you’re doing together.
- Use barriers if/when needed (external condoms, dental dams, internal/female condoms).
- You could shower before and after intimacy to help avoid a UTIs.
- Remember, your body not acting normally during chemo, is pretty normal!
- Go slow, relax, and remember that you’re fighting hard. Changes are normal.
- For partners: Be gentle, we won’t break. Yes we’re sick, but you can totally touch us! Cuddle us, have sex with us, just check in, communicate and...
Don’t be afraid of us, be cautious WITH us!
More resources on chemotherapy, treatments and sex:
- Read the Book on all things intimacy & cancer, click here.
- For information on painful penetration, click here
- For information on changes in libido from cancer treatments, click here
- For information on changes in orgasm from chemotherapy, click here
- For information on lubricants, click here
- Read about the 2-minute game, click here
- For a Short video on the female condom (AKA internal condom), click here
- For a short video on sex & chemo, click here
Take me back to the cancer resources main page: Click Here
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